Why did I just renew That Shameless Hussy? WHY? WHY?

The whole point of changing my blog name was because I didn’t feel it accurately represented what I was trying to do, or who I was at 50 as opposed to when I started blah blah blah blah blah…yet I miss her.

Ah well. So for one more year, people looking for porn can find me. Also I still have about 200 business cards left over from BlogHer 2017.

So I’m doing a writing workshop for July. In theory, I will produce at least one essay at the end that is worth two shits. Not humor this time. Which means that the only thing I will be able to think of to write about will be humor.

I have three topics: my relationship with my mama in the context of her relationship with hers, how my friend’s death a couple of years ago sent me on this mortality dread spiral, and one about gardening and marriage. Which seems like an obvious metaphor now that I’ve said it out loud but so what?

The troll in my head has been speedballing. I nearly left the workshop on day one because what do I have to say, really? It’s selfish to write about your stupid struggles when the world is burning, isn’t it? Old middle class white lady who tries to grow things in shitty soil, fights with her mother about politics over soup at Olive Garden and holds inexplicable grudges against dead friends. It will be embarrassing. You should leave now before someone sees.

But enough of that.

I have planted a garden in the place of scorched earth. Where even weeds do not grow, but mosquitos do. I even put some statues out there. I have gnomes, a tortoise and a hare (GOOD GOD I AM OLD) and some nifty glass bird baths flipped on their sides so I don’t have to go stand in the mosquitos to see them and because I don’t want birds in them because that is like giving my feral cats a buffet table. My hubs and I worked on it together all day Sunday, which is going to provide a good end for that piece I am writing.

Here it is: (hare inadvertently left out of frame).

Yes, I have small hostas. Give them time. I also have cool squiggly grass and something called Queen Elizabeth. I am going to plant some skeleton flowers for next year, which have giant leaves and should fill in the spot by the tortoise nicely. I do not have any dracula plants. But I got seeds, so you never know.

Skeleton flower, image courtesy of https://nagonthelake.blogspot.com/2014/11/skeleton-flower-becomes-transparent-in.html

This what I’m going for. Sorta.



Also, it’s July AND WHILE I AM NOT IN THE BASEMENT,  I STILL DON’T HAVE AN OFFICE. But I do have a garden. So I won the bet I made with myself but I already spent the money on hostas so I can’t pay me.

Unrelated news – I have a lot of weird images in my library.

That is all. Have to save my energy for this workshop…..


9 thoughts on “I’m Already Sorry I Wrote This

  1. Inconsiderate pricks just up and leaving with no reasonable forwarding address. Hate them too. Not inexplicable. Not done here. Like an engrossing game and one player leaves. Wtf.
    Arguments with mom precious. The dumber and more insane the better. You know like the ‘right way to hang toilet paper roll’ or getting bunch of cheap plastic pink flamingos to mix into her garden /yard of ceramic ornaments. I thought it was hilarious.
    Never got the hostas, elephant ears thing. They big bulky shedding skeeter (mosquito) hatcheries.
    I didnt run into your blog on porno search fwiw. The hard hat swim fin thing did catch my eye.

    1. hahaha @ hard hat and swim fins. I’m so weird. Probably a valid point on the skeeters. One more thing to worry about.

  2. My mother was a great lover of Hostas. She is gone, but they are still here, many of them, and yes, give them time. Some of hers are rooted thirty years deep and thrive.

      1. There are lots of diphylleia, but I don’t recall seeing the flowers go transparent, so may be another variety. Some of the older plants have leaves the size of a serving platter. The practice here has been to mulch with fallen leaves and pine needles for winter once the plants die back in the fall. They seem to love it and easily push through even heavy mulch in spring. Most of the garden is in some degree of partial shade rather than full sun (lots of trees).

      2. Cool! Thanks for the advice! I’m going to try dividing the larger ones in the fall. Hope I don’t kill ’em. 🙂

      3. One of the women in my mom’s garden club has told me that they can be dug either in the Fall or Spring. They come every year in Spring to get some for their annual plant sale (supports a scholarship fund). Come to think of it, the flowers on mine are not the same as the transparent ones.

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