From the beginning

Hello From My Office

Who put this font here? I did not.I have an office. I know! It is finished! Mostly! The closet it still a closet, as my plans to turn it into a tiny B&B with oversized bean bag chair, snack fridge, lap pool and exercise room have been thwarted by physics. Turns out it's only as … Continue reading Hello From My Office

Eat, Swear, Loathe – Part 1: Preparing for my trip to Italy

  WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING IN THIS PICTURE? IS SHE TRYING TO CATCH THAT MAN WITH HER BREASTS? I am leaving for Italy in 19 days. I am being perfectly reasonable and not at all crazy about this.   I always have a little pre-vacay anxiety. Fear that I will get sick with something that … Continue reading Eat, Swear, Loathe – Part 1: Preparing for my trip to Italy

Probably Not the Only New Years Post You Will Read Today

OMG FUCK OFF 2018. Although I will admit that toward the end, because of midterms, you managed to somewhat elevate yourself and release us from the grip of the Human Centipede: Let's Make a Circle variety show that was 2018, there is still much work to do, and I am so ready to move on … Continue reading Probably Not the Only New Years Post You Will Read Today


(Actual unoriginal magnet from my fridge.) I internalize negativity like my skin does sunlight - it doesn't take long to burn me and send me inside to sit in the dark hating everyone and everything. The internet is best experienced with a clear understanding that it is whole LOT of voices, millions, many of which … Continue reading Human


The morning did not start well. I posted this already but I'm not going through that whole picture-resize shenanigans again. "I will relay this with as little bitterness as I can. Hubs fell asleep in front of the TV and rolled over on the remote volume at 4am so I had to come down and … Continue reading Holy—


"Comedy has changed so much since then; it has become unrecognizable since I first began interviewing her in 2016. It has gone from being a variety of ways to tickle a person — real life, funny because it’s true, ironic funny, deadpan funny, parody funny, no-duh funny, slapstick, farce, absurdity, pratfalls, a real variety — … Continue reading Musing


The small rechargeable cat scratched the emergency backup cat in the eye because he is an asshole. So I made an appointment at the vet and fell asleep. And I woke to having missed the appointment. And they said "that's fine! just bring her now!" But she was hiding, she and her winky eye, under … Continue reading Wink


Where we left off: Descending into pathos now. Not where I was going. Where was I going? I'm not sure it matters. And then...the political climate. Politically, I can get along fine with everyone if I just abandon my principles. And that is all I'm going to say about that. Oh, and - we are … Continue reading Penny


Well, I have managed to stretch out one free write into a three part-er and that is cool because I didn't want to write this weekend anyway: I still don't know what is going to happen when my original domain expires in June. But onward. I suppose if the last two years have taught me … Continue reading So


I have deleted 2500 words of ragey garbage. I can publish boring garbage, but angry garbage can hurt people. I am scheduling this post for 5pm tomorrow. If I haven't come up with anything better - this is what you get. I know! I'm sorry. I am, meanwhile, overwhelmed with joy for those of you … Continue reading Plan


The two woman walked single file down the path, into the trees. The taller of the two talked over her shoulder at the one behind. They were close enough to hear each other but far enough apart that conversation carried down the trail behind them. Had there been someone following at a safe distance, they … Continue reading Spider


So something really exciting happened. As you may know, I used the word poop 1,000,000,0022 times yesterday. On the blog post. Not out loud. Quit asking silly questions. That is not the exciting part. Lo and behold, in the reader at the bottom of my published post appeared two links to other wordpress articles whose … Continue reading Zhuzh


  If I play my cards right, it’s possible for me, just by being myself, to be called a snowflake libtard, a white feminist, an apologist, a racist, a whatever-disgusting-slur the alt-right/Nazis cook up for anyone who doesn’t agree with their drooling rhetoric, a baby killer, a gun humper, a feminist whore, an old lady, … Continue reading Dragon


I wrote this in a satire class and have since decided it is amusing, but not worth any further revisions. Regarding This Year's Post Mid-Term Family Holiday Celebration November 6, 2018 Hello from Bob, Vickie, Jen and Alex! We know we are sending out our holiday letter a little early, but Thanksgiving is just around … Continue reading Meh


18 Steps to Enjoy Your Annual Internet-Free Getaway With Your Mother and Sister For Which You Only Have Yourself to Blame 1. PLAN your screen-free getaway in a cannibas-friendly location because the only way you can share a bed with your sister’s dogs for an entire weekend while listening to your mother describe her bowel … Continue reading Funny